It's not always flashy, but the glitter helps
Updated: Dec 12, 2021
73 days ago I sprained my ankle when I got too confident doing a dance routine on Youtube. I used to workout for an hour every morning and I haven't been able to workout since I sprained my ankle over two months ago. I found out about 5 weeks ago that I had a partially torn tendon in my ankle and that I would need to be in a walking boot for six weeks but the pain in my ankle has not gotten better and surgery is on the table. In these last ten weeks of having this injury I have finished my counseling internship, graduated with two master's degrees, went on a trip to Utah where we navigated the waters of Yellowstone with a wheelchair and Bear lake with a two man carry, and started a new job. Oh, and we can't forget the new litter robot that I bought, I've been transitioning my three cats over to Jeffrey so that we will have less maintenance on litter. My boyfriend and I are moving in together in October and through all the other things, we have managed to secure an apartment, how we are going to get me and my stuff to said apartment is a whole other deal. Rosie, my Roomba, and I fought the other day and I had to troubleshoot how to get her up and running again. We changed her filter, washed her emptying bin, cleaned out all of my hair from her roller brushed (yeah, there was a lot up in there), and we had to do a restart of her system, but she seems to be running fine now. Rosie, like from the Jetsons? I know, I'm basic. Back to Jeffrey, I have chummed the kids in with treats up to yay-hoo on the steps, shoved poop inside Jeffrey, turned Jeffrey off so it won't startle them, and even sat by Jeffrey so that they know that he's safe. Morticia (Mo-mo) and Binx have since used Jeffrey but we are waiting for Phe to use him so that we can get rid of their old litter box. Oh, if you're wondering about the name? Dahmer due to it eating and killing the poop like he ate and killed his victims. Morbid, I know. I did a 54 hour work week my first week of work that consisted of the most boring trainings that you ever did hear (I'm salaried so no overtime for me) but this last week I only worked 11 hours and due to being laid up with my ankle I have gone out of my mind with boredom. I have only shadowed a total of 3.5 sessions and have no idea what I am doing but am taking on my first intake next week (nervous, excited yay?!) but will have the support of my supervisor until I have official training in a few weeks. I'm going stir crazy in the house and at a loss of things to do as I'm bound to the couch until I know if I can start rehab on my ankle. I sleep and read a lot. Let's be honest though, you can only keep yourself occupied with reading and sleeping for so many hours and days a week before you are bored and want to pull out your hair. My kiddos have loved having me around and have been spending lots of time with me while I've been home. As someone that has lived their entire life as a student, to not go back to school in the fall for the first time in their life is terrifying. I'm a real adult with a real adult job for the first time in my life. I've been striving for autonomy my whole life. As Peter Pan would say, "Here we Goooo". I've struggled for years since I got diagnosed with paralyzed nerves in my legs in 2015 with coming to terms with being "disabled" I don't feel disabled. I am consistently trying to do all the things I did before I was disabled. But as time has gone on I have learned that I can't do many of the things that I could do before, running, jumping, long distance walking. I get frustrated. Now that I'm faced with this tear in my ankle and the possibility of surgery and being laid up for ANOTHER 12 weeks after being laid up for 10 weeks already, I have struggled to see the light at the end of the tunnel where I might be able to walk again without pain or do the things I once enjoyed such as exercise, hiking, or even going on walks without assistance from an orthopedic device. I am grateful for all the things I have and the little joys that are brought to me such as watching my kids, my boyfriend, having shelter, food, and a job, but sometimes the glitter that they provide is dimmed by the bigger shadows in my life. I choose to be grateful, I choose look forward, and I choose to live in the here and now and not focus on the what ifs or catastrophize my life. We take things one step at a time and today we are tackling Jeffrey, Phe we will get you to shit in his mouth and he will like it.